party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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