i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
