Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
