There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
