Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
