So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
