while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
