i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
