Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
420 ftw
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
