My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
