Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize