Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
