mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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