Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
