Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
