i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize