Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
