so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
