I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
