it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
