We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
