Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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