I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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