I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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