i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
