9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize