I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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