Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
