So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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