it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
