Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
