I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
