Who wears a wallet chain?!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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