you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
