so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize