This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
