You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
