Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
