Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
