Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
