Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
