You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
