I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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