sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
