I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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