I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
