your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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