Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize