my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
