Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
