The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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