can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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