she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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