sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
