what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
