It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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