Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
