The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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