guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
