a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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