It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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