like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
