At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
