porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He better not be in your backpack
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
