i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
