Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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