It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
