i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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