Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
