I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
