1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
