I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
In America we eat man semen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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