Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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