he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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