My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize