It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
