So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
