is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
