Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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