Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
