I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
