Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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