i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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