I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize