it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
