For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
