I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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