yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
