I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
