so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize