and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
