So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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