Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
