K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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