Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
