There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
