I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
