Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
