oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
