i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
