I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
