The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
