So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
