Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
