You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
