He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The air taste purple.
Randomize