Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
