Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize