I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
