please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
