I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
