Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
