Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you would pick up someone in the library
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize