He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
