At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
