Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize