She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
