don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
