oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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