oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
