My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This toilet bowl is my home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
