why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
