I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
