pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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