All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
