I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sarcasm needs its own font
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
