I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
