i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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