You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
