I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
