Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
