Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
